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Night 7

August 3, 2010

Forget what I said yesterday. That was the worst night yet. Although she fell asleep pretty easily–no standing, very little crying, no screaming–she woke up one hour later. We gave her some ibuprofen before she went to bed, thinking this would help with the teething pain. But either it didn’t help, or her restlessness wasn’t due to teething pain. She fell asleep at 8:20, then woke up at 9:20, 10:20, 11:20, and probably every hour throughout the night. I nursed her at around 2:30 or so. She crawled on my head, around the bed, rolled around, climbed onto my chest, cried a lot, squirmed, and, in general was very discontent all night long. At one point I woke up and she was asleep with her head at the foot of the bed. She woke up for the morning at somewhere between 6:00-7:00, but I was so freaking exhausted that I couldn’t even check the time on my phone.

I don’t want to attribute her bad sleeping habits to a scapegoat, but the only two similar conditions from last night and the night before was that she ate a lot of wheat for dinner. On Sunday night she had some whole wheat bread as well as a little bit of pizza, and last night we had pasta for dinner. We normally don’t eat pasta or bread, especially for dinner, and I wonder if her tummy was hurting her all night. Today I’ll try to make sure she has the usual protein and veggies, but maybe she’ll have brown rice or quinoa rather than bread or pasta.

See how desperate I am to find a solution that I can easily blame this trouble on? If I do decide to move her to her own bed, how the hell do I go about doing that? Like I said, I’m not willing to let her cry alone, and I’m not sure that I have the stamina to visit her all night long in her own space. Also, oddly enough, I notice it’s easier for me to fall asleep when I’m nursing her or when we’re cuddling really closely. It’s not easier for me to stay asleep, but the oxytocin and prolactin my body releases when we’re close makes my mind relax so much that it’s easy to drift off. Now, if it were only that easy to stay asleep.

Well, it’s time to work. I’m thankful that my mom is able to watch Amelia a couple days a week while I work, but I also wish that I could be more present with Amelia when we are together. As it is now, I’m so tired that I feel like I just sit there and space out. I was telling someone recently that my waking life and my sleeping life are both a state of in-between. I’m never fully awake, and I’m never fully asleep. Some night cosleeping has worked fantastically, but many nights there’s a lot of co- but not a lot of sleeping.

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