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Night Whatever

March 30, 2011

I haven’t posted in awhile because nothing is good. Ha. Look how dramatic I am. But seriously.

We went to Aspen for five days or so for a comedy festival Andrew was in. She didn’t sleep great in Aspen, had a fever, had severe teething pain, so I let her nurse at night to try and mitigate some of the violent wails keeping the other people in the hotel awake at night.

Then, we came back from Aspen and didn’t nurse her again at night. Things were okay until she got another illness–this one involving vomiting all over me, the bed, and herself. Breastmilk was the only thing she wanted to keep her hydrated and fed, so of course we nursed at night. Then, I caught whatever she had and I was miserable for a few days.

Now I’m well but last night was, well, hell (rhymes are more fun when you’re sleep deprived).

This kid is OBSESSED WITH NURSING. She’s always liked nursing but lately she’s obsessed. She talks about my nipples and wants to see them. If I’m getting dressed she’ll say “nipples! Covered. See ’em!” And last night after struggling to get her to fall asleep for quite some time, she woke up at 3:30 begging, begging, begging for milk. Going crazy for milk.

Here’s the thing: she doesn’t want to eat that many solids these days. She has been a pretty adventurous eater, and likes a variety of foods, but she won’t eat very much. Again, this makes me think there’s an undiagnosed stomach issue at play here. So then at night she’s incredibly hungry, and depends on the milk. What am I supposed to do?

Problem 2 (or is it problem 2,000? Not sure any more): when she’s not nursing at night she needs to be cuddled in a very specific way. And it’s painful for me. It hurts my back, shoulders, and neck to be in the same position all night long, but if I move positions she wakes up and cries for me to “Cuddle like this!!!”

What is wrong with my family? Cosleeping, argh. But you know, putting her in her own bed doesn’t work either. She still needs a ton of attention at night.

People say “Oh, this time with her is so brief: before you know it she’ll be 13 and won’t want you to touch her at all.” Yes, I know that. I also know that my body isn’t getting any younger, and subjecting it to painful contortions night after night for two years is having major deleterious effects on my health and well-being.

What am I supposed to do?

I want to cosleep. I want to cosleep through the night. I want my daughter to understand the limits of my body and to respect them. But she doesn’t. She’s too young to get it. I’m getting so frustrated, so tired, so sore. I’m at my wit’s end today. But what am I supposed to do?

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